Oyena Gwebityala

I like to think I am an invincible guy, a guy you can’t scare easily. But alas I am not and I have come to realise that more these past few months than ever before. I am afraid now for two reasons.Firstly I am faced with decisions that will affect the rest of my life. How my life is 20,30 years from now will depend mainly on the  decisions I make in the next two months or so. And that has put the fear of God in me. What if I screw it up? What if I look back in 20 years time and realise that I hate my life and I am too old to change it? Secondly I am re-assessing my priorities, because quite frankly I doubt that I am happy with the way they are right now. A friend articulated in his blog something I had been thinking about for a very long time; which part of my life is actually mine? What choices had I made because they made me happy and which ones had I made because they made other people happy and thus made me fit in?

The second reason is the scariest thing I have ever had to contend with, because taken to its most elementary level,it means that I might have wasted my life. Moreover the second reason does not only require me to make good choices in the near future,it requires me to make changes, to cut things and add new ones and change is scary, but this kind of change leaves my stomach in knots with fear, and I hate fear,so I will plunge in. Over the next two to three months nothing will go unchecked, everything that can be changed will be considered and if it makes me happy then it stays otherwise I am cleaning out the closet. Religion, friends,the music I listen to, everything will get an assessment.

Scary but necessary. Everyone arbs around the world seeking true happiness, enlightenment and all that hippy jazz. I will be my own Guru. And I am glad I won the quiz (for another post) because now I don’t have to work over the end of year break, which means I have 3 months to consider this.

And as I end this post I would like to ask you reader; Which part of your life is yours?

Ponder that.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 22nd, 2008 at 7:06 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.